When I Receive Gifts, I Can Give Grace

When I was graced

could grace dispense

Pitiful self I realized!

How much my place I’d overstepped

Was deeply felt

etched in my mind!

I lived before my God

I thought

Yet secretly did self exalt!

All of my life’s been filled with woes

Trials beyond what most could bear;

Though of my suff’rings no one knows

Yet of my staunchness I’m aware;

I think self’s been discarded

yet

What I’ve been through

I don’t forget!

I have received much grace

I know;

No one on earth more so than I!

Upon my body

in my soul

Evidence of God’s work I find.

I know all He has done in me

Appreciate it thoroughly!

All my success I clearly see

And know my every righteous deed;

Pride enters in

unconsciously;

My center shifts from God to me;

Yesterday’s manna I hold tight

But it’s gone rotten overnight.

When friends console me in my plight

When they express their sympathy

I can no more conceal my pride

Patience runs out immediately;

I fail as any common folks:

Cursing my birth

I’m thus exposed.

O God

about Thee

much I’ve heard

And can expound on Thee at length

Yet my poor self’s corrupt

impure;

Never have I for Thee been changed;

I use Thy gifts to pride inflate

Self even more to elevate.

But now mine eye has seen Thee

Lord;

Thy holiness — my filth’s exposed.

Thy shining light — I am destroyed

Thy glory — deep contrition flows;

I hate myself; How could I be

With self obsessed so utterly?

Oh

how ashamed

ashamed am I!

Self I adorned with Thy free grace!

I used Thy works to lift self high;

My every motive’s low and base;

My failure’s beyond salvaging;

More shameful yet

my victory.

What shame

that I so proud can be!

What blindness

and what foolishness!

Filthiness to consider clean

Or flesh consider beauteous.

Self-righteous I

obtuse as well

Thy glory stealing for my self.

That I’m corrupt

Thou knowest well;

As for myself

I had no clue;

I thought I could rely on self

But it is shameful

through and through;

O Lord

today

please rescue me!

Come loose my bonds

and set me free!

O Lord

my heart doth Thee implore:

Grant me some dust in which to lie;

Ashes to on my body pour

For fallen self repent thereby;

I am ashamed unceasingly

That so corrupt my heart could be.

My words are so inaccurate;

My life is shallow to the core;

My every motive is corrupt

And all my being I abhor.

I hate myself now

O my Lord;

My only hope: abide in Thee.