In A Lifetime Never Met A Clever Rival

My cleverness no match had met

In Esau

Isaac of the past;

But now it’s life or death

and yet

I still in self would place my trust.

My hands are tied — submitting not

I still would struggle

scheme and plot.

It seems one comes to rob my home;

Afraid

yet stubborn

I persist

I fear my final day has come—

With every ounce of strength

resist.

He comes to wrestle; I defend:

I’ll fight Him to the bitter end.

How strange! Though every wile I’ve used

For one whole night

yet still He stands.

I see my strength has been reduced

And yet revenge is not His plan.

How strange! Although I can’t get free

My courage grows exceedingly.

I’ve never met with such a foe

And even if He states His name

Of this opponent naught I know

But that from Him reward I’d gain.

I’d force Him blessing to bestow

And

blessing

His surrender own.

’Tis dawn

yet have I won

or He?

It’s still impossible to see.

My Rival

forced

now blesses me

To me concedes the victory .

Says “Israel” is my new name;

But when I rise

my thigh is lame.

The faintest light in darkened heart

Begins to shine — I realize:

If I’m so strong

why grasp the heel?

If victor

why the crippled thigh?

’Twas He who won and left this sign

From folly warning me thereby.

A flood of light: This heart of mine

As breaks the dike by swelling tide

At once in radiance divine

Must worship

and in shame must hide.

So great my sin

I must confess:

I’m lawless

full of filthiness.

Alas! To think: I overcame

Creator God Omnipotent!

Ridiculous! Oh

woe is me!

Death is my fitting punishment.

That these

mine own two hands

rebelled

The mighty God to stop and held!

Thou

God

dost shine so gloriously;

Thou

Lord of hosts

resplendent

bright

At once

at recognizing Thee

And realizing who Thou art

I cry aloud

and tearfully

I must repent and bow the knee.

How can it be that I could see

Him face to face and hand to hand?

If only earth would swallow me

My shame to hide

my life to end.

Why did I not

at life’s first start

Pass on

from earth in sleep depart?

I hate myself; my heart was dim

For blinded were mine eyes by pride;

Now

at the thought of conquering Him

I tremble and am terrified.

Not just my thigh

but all my strength

I’ve lost; I’m broken

paralyzed.

As I look back at all my life

I see that it’s corrupt entire.

For self

my God I sacrificed;

My foolish heart knew but desire.

What then I thought that “blessing” be

Was forcing God to grant my plea.

“I wish: the heav’n must fall in line.

I plan: my Lord must coincide.

I want: my God should step aside.

I work: my God must be my guide.

When I am rushed

He must not stay

For once

His victory to display.”

There’s one so evil here below

So proud

deceitful

obstinate;

Lord

that I’m Jacob Thou dost know:

One Thou should’st but detest and hate;

No hope have I but mercy Thine

Upon this wretched heart of mine.

I grope — at once His mercy find.

At first lame step — His grace is mine!

If I forget

my wounded thigh

Reminds: on naught can I rely.

Though Israel I’m named by Thee

Yet Jacob ever lame shall be.

O Lord

‘twas Thou that overcame;

In Thy defeat

defeat I’d claim;

To Thee I yield my victory;

Thy weakness drops me to my knees.

In fear and trembling all my days

Thy will I’d do

Thy name I’d praise.